On 30th September, I had the great privilege of spending the day at Nonkquebela Senior club in Guguletu. I just had the most beautiful day with the club members.
When I arrived at the senior club, everyone greeted me. It is a small group of about 12 people: 5 men and 7 women. They had already completed their daily exercises, but decided to do them again so that I could participate. We all did exercises together including shoulder, hip, neck and leg exercises.
After the exercises, we all sat in a big circle around the room. Then, Club assistant Nontobeko instructed me to “talk”! I didn’t really know what to say at first, so I started slow. I asked the club members opinions on their club, their activities, their communities…but the conversation wasn’t really going anywhere.
It wasn’t until I opened up the conversation for them to ask questions of me that things started to get interesting. They were especially interested in the fact that I was from America.
They asked me questions like “I know there aren’t any street kids in America…why not?” “Are there any poor people in America?” “I know you can get AIDS from sex and blood in Africa, but how can you get it in America?”
I took great pleasure in answering these questions…I imagined them telling their family and friends all about what they learned about America and how it is not quite as different from South Africa as they thought.
My favourite question to answer was “are there any black people in America?” At first, I said, “Yes, there are many African Americans throughout the whole country”. They asked, “Are they equal to white people?” First, I said that black people are very successful in America and are doctors, lawyers, teachers…and all of a sudden I thought to say “And my President is a black man…his father was from Kenya. Do you know Obama?” Most club members had heard of Obama but I do not think they fully understood the full implications of his position. It was important to me to give the most honest answers I could to these people so I also told them “but many black people in America still fight for their rights and in some areas are not equal to white people. Many African American communities (and also white communities) deal with poverty, drugs, HIV/AIDS and teenage pregnancy just like your communities, but just in a different way”.
The questions and answers turned into an easy flowing convorsation. We were jumping from topic to topic and making jokes. Once they felt comfortable enough to ask questions of me, I felt more comfortable to really ask the questions that I wanted to know the answers to.
“What is different about your lives now than when you were under the apartheid government?”
One woman said that our constitution now says that we are all equal. Another added that they really aren’t equal yet and are still poor and struggling. A man explained equality and freedom since Apartheid, “in the constitution yes, but on the street, no”.
The club members also noted that the police do not use dogs to scare and catch people anymore in their communities the way they did under apartheid. One woman said that that was always her biggest fear and she used to be terrified of the police.
I asked, “What do you think of Nelson Mandela”
It took a moment for the members to answer this one. I think it was hard for them to put it into words. “He is the father” one woman said. “We would not be here without him,” said another.
I asked if any of the club members were grandmothers and grandfathers. They all raised their hands. They also all said that either some or all of their children and grandchildren live with them and they assist in their upbringing.
I passed around a picture of my own grandparents and all of the seniors in my family sitting around my dining room table. They loved this! It helped them understand me more. They told me, as so many people have told me throughout my life, that I look just like my Grandma Stella! I told them how loved and respected the seniors in my family are. Once I started to talk about my family they started to ask, “do you miss them?” “How do you speak to them?”
I had a great idea…I would call my mom and put her on speakerphone! I explained to the seniors that it was 8:00am in New York and we may be waking my mother up…they didn’t seem to mind. I called my mom (and woke her up) and she said hello to all of the club members to everyone’s delight. The club members just couldn’t believe they were speaking to someone in New York. They asked me a few times, “is she really in New York?” The funniest part was what my mom said after… “have you called your grandparents this week? Make sure you call Grammy, Grandpa and Grandma”. I proved my point that my grandparents are very important in our family and I think the seniors really respected that.
One woman noticed that I had a silk scarf in my bag; she grabbed it and just starting wrapping it around my head. They said that I was wearing the scarf like a married Xhosa woman. Everyone was laughing so hard.

I have a pair of ridiculously over-sized black sunglasses from New York, one mama put them on. It was such an easy form of cultural exchange…exchanging accessories! We all grew very comfortable with one another.
Then, the mamas were taking off their aprons and their scarves and their jewellery and dressing me up like a little doll! Since I was now dressed as a proper married Xhosa woman, the men started to argue about whose wife I could be!

All dressed up!

This club member became my unofficial Xhosa spouse! (What you cant see from the picture is how hard everyone is laughing in the background)
Then, it was time for lunch. We all shared a wonderful meal of chicken, rice, gravy and vegetables. They were impressed with how much I could eat! After lunch, when I started to gather up everyone’s plates and began to do the dishes, everyone just lost it! People took out their cell phones to take pictures of the white girl in a Xhosa outfit complete with a plastic apron doing dishes for the mamas and the tatas. They showed me the best way to wash the dishes, but then enjoyed watching me complete the task. It was important to me that they understood how grateful I was for the experience. They were opening up to me, sharing their stories, trusting me with their questions and provided me with a wonderful meal, so it was the least I could do to help clean up. I also knew that I was in a small way a form of entertainment, and I did not want to let my audience down.
Once again, I leave my experience feeling grateful for Ikamva Labantu. These seniors have a place to come and gather every day. They do crafts, eat nutritious meals, learn about their health and do exercises. Just as important though, they socialize with one another and support each other. During the course of the day, so many of the club members had little side conversations, laughing with one another. They even finished each others sentences. I see such potential for the seniors in Ikamva Labantu’s senior sector and have full confidence that eventually, when the proper resources and support are in place, they will become independent, self-sustainable and be a source of pride for their communities.













