On 30th September, I had the great privilege of spending the day at Nonkquebela Senior club in Guguletu. I just had the most beautiful day with the club members.

When I arrived at the senior club, everyone greeted me. It is a small group of about 12 people: 5 men and 7 women. They had already completed their daily exercises, but decided to do them again so that I could participate. We all did exercises together including shoulder, hip, neck and leg exercises.

After the exercises, we all sat in a big circle around the room. Then, Club assistant Nontobeko instructed me to “talk”! I didn’t really know what to say at first, so I started slow. I asked the club members opinions on their club, their activities, their communities…but the conversation wasn’t really going anywhere.

It wasn’t until I opened up the conversation for them to ask questions of me that things started to get interesting. They were especially interested in the fact that I was from America.

They asked me questions like “I know there aren’t any street kids in America…why not?” “Are there any poor people in America?” “I know you can get AIDS from sex and blood in Africa, but how can you get it in America?”

I took great pleasure in answering these questions…I imagined them telling their family and friends all about what they learned about America and how it is not quite as different from South Africa as they thought.

My favourite question to answer was “are there any black people in America?” At first, I said, “Yes, there are many African Americans throughout the whole country”. They asked, “Are they equal to white people?” First, I said that black people are very successful in America and are doctors, lawyers, teachers…and all of a sudden I thought to say “And my President is a black man…his father was from Kenya. Do you know Obama?” Most club members had heard of Obama but I do not think they fully understood the full implications of his position. It was important to me to give the most honest answers I could to these people so I also told them “but many black people in America still fight for their rights and in some areas are not equal to white people. Many African American communities (and also white communities) deal with poverty, drugs, HIV/AIDS and teenage pregnancy just like your communities, but just in a different way”.

The questions and answers turned into an easy flowing convorsation. We were jumping from topic to topic and making jokes. Once they felt comfortable enough to ask questions of me, I felt more comfortable to really ask the questions that I wanted to know the answers to.

“What is different about your lives now than when you were under the apartheid government?”

One woman said that our constitution now says that we are all equal. Another added that they really aren’t equal yet and are still poor and struggling. A man explained equality and freedom since Apartheid, “in the constitution yes, but on the street, no”.

The club members also noted that the police do not use dogs to scare and catch people anymore in their communities the way they did under apartheid. One woman said that that was always her biggest fear and she used to be terrified of the police.

I asked, “What do you think of Nelson Mandela”

It took a moment for the members to answer this one. I think it was hard for them to put it into words. “He is the father” one woman said. “We would not be here without him,” said another.

I asked if any of the club members were grandmothers and grandfathers. They all raised their hands. They also all said that either some or all of their children and grandchildren live with them and they assist in their upbringing.

I passed around a picture of my own grandparents and all of the seniors in my family sitting around my dining room table. They loved this! It helped them understand me more. They told me, as so many people have told me throughout my life, that I look just like my Grandma Stella! I told them how loved and respected the seniors in my family are. Once I started to talk about my family they started to ask, “do you miss them?” “How do you speak to them?”

I had a great idea…I would call my mom and put her on speakerphone! I explained to the seniors that it was 8:00am in New York and we may be waking my mother up…they didn’t seem to mind. I called my mom (and woke her up) and she said hello to all of the club members to everyone’s delight. The club members just couldn’t believe they were speaking to someone in New York. They asked me a few times, “is she really in New York?” The funniest part was what my mom said after… “have you called your grandparents this week? Make sure you call Grammy, Grandpa and Grandma”. I proved my point that my grandparents are very important in our family and I think the seniors really respected that.

One woman noticed that I had a silk scarf in my bag; she grabbed it and just starting wrapping it around my head. They said that I was wearing the scarf like a married Xhosa woman. Everyone was laughing so hard.

I have a pair of ridiculously over-sized black sunglasses from New York, one mama put them on. It was such an easy form of cultural exchange…exchanging accessories! We all grew very comfortable with one another.

Then, the mamas were taking off their aprons and their scarves and their jewellery and dressing me up like a little doll! Since I was now dressed as a proper married Xhosa woman, the men started to argue about whose wife I could be!

All dressed up!

This club member became my unofficial Xhosa spouse! (What you cant see from the picture is how hard everyone is laughing in the background)

Then, it was time for lunch. We all shared a wonderful meal of chicken, rice, gravy and vegetables. They were impressed with how much I could eat! After lunch, when I started to gather up everyone’s plates and began to do the dishes, everyone just lost it! People took out their cell phones to take pictures of the white girl in a Xhosa outfit complete with a plastic apron doing dishes for the mamas and the tatas. They showed me the best way to wash the dishes, but then enjoyed watching me complete the task. It was important to me that they understood how grateful I was for the experience. They were opening up to me, sharing their stories, trusting me with their questions and provided me with a wonderful meal, so it was the least I could do to help clean up. I also knew that I was in a small way a form of entertainment, and I did not want to let my audience down.

Once again, I leave my experience feeling grateful for Ikamva Labantu. These seniors have a place to come and gather every day. They do crafts, eat nutritious meals, learn about their health and do exercises. Just as important though, they socialize with one another and support each other. During the course of the day, so many of the club members had little side conversations, laughing with one another. They even finished each others sentences. I see such potential for the seniors in Ikamva Labantu’s senior sector and have full confidence that eventually, when the proper resources and support are in place, they will become independent, self-sustainable and be a source of pride for their communities.

On 6th November 2009, I went out into the townships with and FSS fieldworker named Lingeka to visit some of our foster homes, child-headed households and elder-headed households. Her friend Buti from Khayelitsha served as our driver for the outing. This day was so special to me because I was welcomed so warmly into these people’s homes and met their families…it felt more intimate than my other experiences in the townships.

The first house we visited was in Guguletu. The foster mama and her adult daughter Linda care for 8 children. Linda was home, overseeing lunchtime when we stopped by. My first impression of the kids was that they were shockingly well-behaved. I have dealt with groups of young children before and they never seemed so content and calm. Each child was sitting on the floor with their own plates and spoons, quietly eating their lunch of rice, chicken, potatoes and gravy. I jumped on the opportunity to speak with Linda about all of the children her and her mother care for.

Lunch Time.

I was really impressed with how knowledgeable Linda was on each of the childrens’ stories. She could tell me right off the top of her head how old each child is, what month they arrived at their home and all of their special needs and circumstances. She told me the names of all of the gorgeous children, except for one.

One young girl who has been living with them since March does not speak at all. Although she is physically healthy, comfortable with the other children and well-behaved, she has yet to speak. Linda tells me very matter of factly that she worries that the child was literally locked up somewhere before she came to her mother’s home. When the child first came to the house, she came without any documents or information and nobody even knew her real name, of course she has been given a nickname in Linda’s home however. Linda and her mother worry about this child all the time and are monitoring her progress closely. Linda says that “what she needs is love and friends”…and I must say that I agree.

The children finished their lunch and perhaps the most shocking thing happened: They all stood up and brought their forks and plates to the kitchen and dropped them in the sink without having to be told! I was literally clapping my hands for them…but they were more interested in play-time.

I asked Linda why she and her mother decided to take these children in. Linda says, “it is hard to explain, it comes from my mother’s heart…she could not just sit and watch children suffer”. Linda and her mother have been receiving food parcels and financial support from Ikamva Labantu since 2003. Linda’s mother is also an active member of the Siyakhatala Carers forum.

I was so warmly welcomed by Linda into her home and got a chance to sit with the children on the floor and play around with them…certainly the most fun part of my day.

A little play-time

The kids pulled me into the other room to show me their sleeping foster brother. I couldn’t believe it! He sleeps the same way I used to sleep as a child. Linda laughed and said, you cant ever try to straighten him out, this is the only way he likes to sleep!

Nap Time! Too cute not to share...

I can only describe this group of orphans and vulnerable children as one thing: a family. And a beautiful family at that.

Next, we visited a child-headed household. Community Based Worker Pamela joined us for the second half of our day. We walked into a small home with minimal lighting and were met by three strapping young men. Lukhanyo is 22 years old, the same age as me, and is taking care of his 17 and 19 year old brothers as well as his 5 year old twin brother and sister since their mother passed away in May. The twins were still at school when we visited, but I got a chance to sit and talk with the 3 boys for quite some time.

The three boys, myself and Community Based Worker Pamela

I really must say that you could not find 3 more polite, open and respectable young men anywhere.

Lukhanyo is the head of the household. At 22, he completed high school up to grade 11 but failed grade 12. He enrolled in a homecare nursing programme and completed the course with great marks and an even greater recommendation from his advisor. He is currently looking for a job. In fact, Pamela was following up with him on his progress in finding a job, she then told him in Xhosa to go fetch his CV and show it to me. Lukhanyo had all of his papers in order, but I offered to re-do his CV with updated information and in a flashy new format to help him stand out from other job applicants. He was extremely grateful.

I asked the boys what their hopes are for their younger siblings. All the boys want is for the twins to attend university. I mentioned, in as non-condescending a manner as possible, that the best chance for the twins to go to university is if they see their big brothers do it first. The boys agree, and I for one have all the faith in the world in them. Lukhanyo, as I mentioned wants to be a home-based carer for the ill and bedridden. The 19 year old wants to be a mechanical engineer, and the 17 year old wants to pursue a career in law.

I asked what their biggest struggle is as a family since they lost their mother. The boys all told me that the hardest thing is answering their younger siblings’ questions about their mother. I really need to pause and think what life must be like for these boys. Young, handsome boys, all with their own dreams and aspirations, have suddenly become the sole breadwinners for a household and the sole carers for two young children. The additional responsibility is one thing, but all of this comes while they are individually trying to recover from the lost of their beloved mother. I look at them as strength personified.

I am so, so grateful that the two young twins have these boys to look up to. Who knows what would happen to the twins if their brothers were not willing or able to take on this responsibility. These boys and this family are the exact people that we, as a larger community must invest in. I am proud to say that Ikamva Labantu already is.

Finally, we went to an elder-headed household to meet just about the strongest woman you could imagine in Phillipi East. Mrs. Donni is a mother, grandmother and a widow taking care of 6 children on her own. Ikamva Labantu provided home-based care services to Mrs. Donni’s late husband from 2001 until he passed in 2003. Since then, Ikamva Labantu helped her older son find a job and has continued to provide food parcels and financial assistance. Mrs. Donni welcomed us into her home with open arms. She immediately took out piles of pictures of her late husband and her whole family and shared them with me.

Mrs. Donni and her beautiful grandchildren plus Community Based Worker Pamela

When I asked her what she wanted for her children and grandchildren, she answered with one word: success. When I asked what her biggest day-to-day struggle was, she answered with one word again: food. She is also struggling with accessing proper social grants for her grandchildren. She deals with these struggles like a champ. You can easily tell how much the children love her and how much she loves them.

I had such a wonderful day. The most powerful question I can leave you with is this: What do you think these children’s lives would be like if there were no foster parents like Linda and her mother, no siblings willing to take care of their brothers and sisters like Lukhanyo or grandmothers willing to take care of their grandchildren like Mrs. Donni? What would come of them?

I certainly do not even want to begin to consider the possible answers to questions like these, but at least, with the help of Ikamva Labantu, these children and their carers will be supported and empowered.